We would like to include you in a huge part of our life that most of you don’t know anything about.
Approximately April 2009, Justin was working at Carpenter’s Church in Lubbock, TX, which is a church that caters to the homeless population in Lubbock. On a random day, a young girl of 20 came into the church with her 1 year old daughter. Immediately, Justin and the girl hit it off. He spent the entire day helping her work out some legal issues and was able to hear her story. Like many homeless women, this girl had a horrific story that included being given up to the foster system by her mother who was addicted to crack, an emotionally/physically abusive family system, a current boyfriend who beat her, and a new daughter that was born weighing 1lb6oz, that had amazingly survived. They were so desperate for help.
Prior to this meeting, we had been very convicted with the fact that we had an extra bedroom in our home. The reality of working with the homeless on a daily basis and living in a house too big for a single married couple began to not mesh. So, after a string of events, the young girl and her daughter moved in with us. We have always felt like real change in people happens when you are able to live life alongside them and serve them in a more communal, intimate way.
So, they became a huge part of our life. We functioned as a family system and for most parts, life was so good. As time progressed, we began to see serious red flags that worried us when it came to her parenting style, her habits, and her patterns for destructive behavior. She too also began to understand that life didn’t have to be in a state of constant chaos. On many occasions, she would tell us things such as, “Wow, I never knew that married people didn’t cheat on each other.” Or “Wow, when you guys disagree, you don’t yell at each other and call the cops.” She began to see life very differently, and we began to understand where she had come from. But, we still proceeded to help her restore her life and try to get out on her own.
In the course of us working towards her independence, she found out that she was pregnant. After the fact, she did not see her boyfriend and she carried the baby while living at our house. She gave birth to him and I, Kristan, was able to be in the delivery room right by her side as he came into the world. The whole process of our life was very connected to this family and we loved them just as if they were our blood relation.
However, as time progressed, we felt an increasing dependence and sometimes her tendency to take advantage of us. For example, after the baby was born, she would say that she was going out for a few minutes and come back hours later, with the assumption that we would take care of her children while she was gone. We began to feel an unhealthy relationship building and so we began to encourage her to work on becoming independent. She had managed to save some money and after about a year, she moved into her own house. (Side note-the house was next door to ours. :) )
We thought it was the best decision for her at the time. However, as people who are use to chaos do, she began her cycle of destructive behavior. She began drinking excessively, neglecting the children, and hanging out with guys that were not good.
On the other hand, we began to realize how much we had parented her children, and we began to miss them like they were our own children. We would make them stay the night with us when she was drinking, we would buy them food or clothing when she wasn’t, and we really felt the need to get them away from her behavior.
So again, through a series of events, we became more serious about our actions and even became their full time guardian. She also, on more than one occasion, made comments that we should adopt them because she didn’t want them. This is all going on as we are feeling the desire to come on the World Race. So we began to battle back and forth with ourselves to figure out if we should pursue keeping the children or leaving for the World Race.
Then in the summer of 2010, after 2 months of us having the children full time, she made the decision really easy for us by just leaving with the kids. She told us that she was moving in with her mother, the same mom that had given her up for adoption, and she was going to pursue life on her own. As you can imagine, we were devastated. We had let ourselves get too attached to babies that we thought could be ours. We were playing house with these two beautiful children that were eventually taken away from us with nothing left to do.
So, we felt like that was our cue to pursue the World Race and start our life fresh away from the drama of that situation. Even at training camp, the World Race staff asked us about the situation and encouraged us to think about what we would do if the opportunity came up to adopt the kids. At training camp, we were so burnt out from the situation and seriously did not think that it would ever happen. So, we told them that we didn’t see that being a reality, but we hoped that our support system at home would rise to meet the need even if we were on the World Race.
Now, moving on to the reason for the email: approximately 1 month ago, while we were in India, our parents emailed us that this girl had signed away her rights to her oldest child, who is now three. And, the little girl was living with my (Kristan) parents. My mom went to pick her up and packed all her toys and clothes and took her home. As you can imagine, we were immediately confused about why this would happen now. We immediately told our team the situation because they had been filled in on the whole story from the beginning. We continually prayed that things happen or didn’t happen so we would know how to respond. However, as we began to talk with my parents, they asked us whether or not we wanted to become the parents of this little girl. Our first and confident thought is “Yes.” We had wanted that even before we left, but we honestly didn’t think that it would ever happen.
Since then, we have followed the story closely and have fleshed out the situation with our teammates, our families, and each other. After many tears and advice, we feel confident in the decision to leave the World Race to begin the process of adopting the oldest girl. Our teammates are more than supportive and after knowing the situation and walking with us through it, they too think that it is the best decision. We feel embarrassed to go back on our commitment to AIM and are so heartbroken to leave team Rapha. They are four of the most quality people that any person could ask to serve along side. As we made this decision together, they cried with us and spoke so much life into our decision that we feel confident in their continued love and support. They are our advocates and some of our dearest friends now.
We have great support at home and our parents have even offered to keep the little girl if we want to stay on the race. We have thought about that option, but if she is to become our daughter, we want her to know that she is more important to us than staying half a world away. She deserves the best parents that we can be. When we speak to her on Skype, we can’t imagine parenting her for the next nine months through the computer screen when internet is available.
The great thing our teammates have said is that they feel like the World Race is a tool that will make its racers more aware of the injustice that goes on and change them into people that live missional lives, even after the World Race ends. They told us that they feel like we already get that and are going home to minister as well. We are so humbled to serve with them and so encouraged that they see that in us.
We are very sad to leave, but can’t imagine making our “daughter” wait for us for the next year.
We would love to hear your thoughts about the situation and wish you the best as you head to the next nine countries. We truly love the way that the World Race forces you to change and think outside yourself. We are excited to see what God has ahead of them. We couldn’t have made this decision without the constant support and love of our teammates. If you are teamed with them at a later time, you are truly blessed.
Thanks KK, Elaina, April, and Roberto for everything. This experience would have been nothing without you to serve with, laugh with, and cry with. We can’t wait to see you in Texas when the race is over.
We love you all and will continue to keep up,
Justin and Kristan
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